I survived because I had to.

Away from the world I know, away from every expectations I had to be, in here I’m just me. Thank you, you. For I would never have be me, the me I am now without you. 

It took me this long, to finally understood why. To finally realised the closure in us, the closure you never gave. To finally look at what lies for my future which at the same time, fuck you. You, who destroyed me. 

I became you. I’m ruining another’s life in the same way you did to me. 

Now, I hate myself even more than before. I didn’t like the me I was and now I hate the me I am, I hate the things I do, but for the comfort, the freedom, I gave in. 

Freedom in exchange for diminished value of one self. 

Was it really worth it?

Where do I go now? What do I do now? 

It's okay if you don't like me.

Tore between what i know is right and what i want to be right. I got stuck in this limbo of wanting to move back to a time when things are different. Where possibility of a future seemed real. 

So there, I stand still not knowing where to go and forever live on the promise of tomorrow. 

What i may truly lack of, is the courage or perhaps the willingness to make that choice. 

Thank you for making me realised how dangerous infatuation can be. Finding myself doing things I never thought I would, so blinded by the very obvious facts, and clinging to strings of false hope. 

Sometimes i ask myself, what was i thinking? And the answer? I weren't. 

And now that i had. Yet i'm still here, wondering when would i have the willingness to make the choice to make it right for you.

I knew I deserved more, but I had no idea how to get it.

It came to a point. A point of realization. A point where i think, i'm better off without this, without you.